In this episode of the Feed Your Fire Podcast, we play our own version of the Squid Game, making calamari two ways as we explore the entangements in our life. How we often walk right into a sticky situation and how we can get ourselves out. It's a game where everyone gets a tasty prize and you get to choose how the story ends.
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Feed Your Fire Podcast episode transcript below:
Hello, and welcome to Feed Your Fire. I'm your host, Kim Baker. In today's episode, we're gonna talk about entanglements. You know, those situations we find ourselves in that are complicated, confusing, and can take away our serenity. Why do we find ourselves getting tangled up, and how do we get out of it? We're gonna explore this as we prepare calamari with its tasty tentacles that can draw us in. But in this episode, you get to choose your own adventure, putting the power of what happens next in your hands.
Have you ever been faced with a situation where you're like, how did I get myself into this mess? That, my friend, is an entanglement. Maybe you inadvertently stepped out of your lane or invited someone into yours that doesn't belong.
Entanglements can make us lose control of our lives, or at least our peace. Most of the time, we don't even see it coming. It's like a web we walk right into. And unraveling ourselves from that takes work, because digging out is more difficult than falling in. Just recently, I had found myself in a situation where I felt really stuck. Now, in this case, I was caught up in conflict that was kind of a triangle, which is the worst kind of entanglement. If you've ever been on the periphery of an entanglement, you know that shit hurts. It's like swimming in the ocean and out of the blue getting stung by a jellyfish. And because of that dynamic, I had to be really thoughtful about how I approach this. It's like having a gold chain that gets all knotted up, and it's painstaking to work it out.
And what I learned from that experience is that getting out of an entanglement requires a couple of things:
- The first of which is clarity, which could be really difficult when you're enmeshed in a situation. You can be just too close to see it as it really is. And what you need might be the perspective of someone else that's not involved.
- The second is recognizing your optionality.
In this recent entanglement I found myself in, I was trying to get out of it by standing at a door that was never going to open. And the problem was I couldn't see any other way out. It wasn't until I was sharing my experience with a friend that I discovered a totally new approach.
Now, what's important to share here is that was not derived from reframing the situation. It wasn't about letting something go. It was about redefining my goal. Originally, I was looking for fairness and equity, which seemed perfectly reasonable, but it takes two to tango. And with that not being an option, I had to move the goalpost. And instead, I started to think about what would make me feel most empowered. And the difference between those two goals were miles apart.
But you see, at first, I didn't see that as an option. I had defined a successful outcome on one dimension. And it was limiting me. And in fact, this new way to measure the outcome, based on my empowerment, was wildly more satisfying. There was still a cost, of course, but this one had purpose.
I've thought about that scenario over and over again. Because the idea of finding new options and redefining our success criteria is a positive way to flip the script. But I had to seek that out, and I had to choose it.
That's the other thing about entanglements—we have to decide that we want out. Now, because this was a conflict, it's much easier to know that you need an exit strategy. But sometimes entanglements can feel good. They could be quite comfortable. Staying in them might even be the path of least resistance. But here's the thing about entanglements. They're always compromising. And unencumbering yourself is an active process that requires choice.
And so in today's episode, we're going to play our own version of Squid Game. Except here, our goal is to build you up, not break you down. In this version, there are no losers. And no matter what you choose, there's a prize waiting for you on the other side.
And what I love about Squid for this episode is that people like it, but they often overlook it. It may feel obscure, even though there are tons of ways to prepare it. And part of our exercise today is identifying new options and facing our entanglements head on. So today, we're going to prepare Squid two ways.
The first being an easy grilled salad, and the second, fried calamari. Now, calamari is either cooked really fast or really slow. We're going for speed today.
Either way, before you cook it, you're going to want to tenderize it. Now, I've got about a pound of calamari here, tubes, and tentacles. And I'm going to put it in a container and fill that container with buttermilk. If you don't have buttermilk, use milk and just a little splash of lemon juice. Now, pop that in the refrigerator and let it sit, 30 minutes, an hour, if you can, overnight.
Now, we're going to start with the grilled salad. Rinse off that buttermilk and pat it dry. Then drizzle it with a little bit of avocado oil, salt, and pepper. Some people like to score the calamari, so it doesn't kind of bubble up when you cook it.
Pop them on the grill and let them cook for about 30 seconds on each side, undisturbed. The goal is to get some grill marks, but you do not want to overcook them. After they've cooked for a minute, a minute and a half, they're ready to go. Let them rest while we make our salad and dressing.
Now, because it's the middle of summer, I wanted to take advantage of the fresh vegetables. So I'm using cherry tomatoes and cucumber. I'm grating up some carrot and really finely slicing up some cabbage. The colors here are beautiful. Now, in a small bowl, I want you to add some minced ginger and some really finely chopped shallot.
Add a tablespoon of soy sauce and a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar. I'm also going to add in the juice of one lime and the juice of half an orange. Lastly, I'm going to add in one finely chopped bird's eye pepper, or you can use some finely chopped jalapeno for heat. Add a tablespoon of maple syrup and then drizzle in some olive oil, about three or four tablespoons. Then combine that dressing with the veggies. Sprinkle it with a little bit of salt and pepper, and let it sit for like 30 minutes. Some water will pull from those vegetables, so use a slotted spoon before you plate it. And then grab that grilled calamari and slice it really thin, about an eighth of an inch thick. Add it on top of those veggies. Sprinkle some really finely chopped basil and toss it all up. I like to top this with a little bit of cilantro leaves. And that, my friends, is option one.
Now option two is equally as simple, but it requires a totally different set of equipment. Instead of heating the grill, we're gonna heat up our fryer. I'm gonna grab the rest of the buttermilk soaked squid, and I'm gonna drain it from that liquid.
I'm gonna slice these tubes about a quarter inch thick, and I'm gonna dredge them in a mixture of flour and cornstarch that's seasoned with a little bit of garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and salt. Then I'm gonna shake off the excess flour and pop them in a deep fryer at about 400 degrees. You're gonna let them cook for 45 seconds, maybe a minute.
You're gonna be tempted to cook them longer to let them brown more, but don't, because you'll overcook them. Transfer them to a paper towel-lined plate, sprinkle them with salt, and then top it with a mixture of chopped parsley, chopped cilantro, and grated lemon zest. In this case, the second choice does not come in second place.
Which option will you choose? What is it that you want to step into or out ofWhen I first got divorced, I took this boundaries class. This was before Instagram therapy, and it was the first time I had ever even heard the word “boundaries”. And the concept kind of changed my life. I'm still not necessarily great at putting up those boundaries. But the class taught me my role in some of the problems that I was facing. And it was like as I started digging in, I was halfway to China. I started to be able to identify the currents that were pulling me into these entanglements—a fear of disappointing others, a sense of self that hadn't been fully explored. Those things are the undercurrents, leaving us ensnared.
And because it's the things inside us that led us there, it's also up to us to find our way out. Don't be afraid to make a few waves in the process. Swimming against the current is never an easy thing, but it leads us away from the crosshairs of conflict and self-abandonment.
This squid game was merely a simulation designed to empower you to rise up, facing what tries to lure you in and eating them for lunch. Until our next episode, we say so long.
Feed Your Fire, where food nourishes growth.